Christmas is Creepy
by slytherinslut13
Summary: A crack-song-fic. James is sitting up on Christmas, waiting for Santa. But no worries, he's got a fake wand the size of a small baseball bat and his quilt. Hopefully his family will get through this Christmas intact.


I feel like I should explain this... I was babysitting recently, watching TV, and this song (Christmas is Creepy by Fred Figglestone) came on. I thought that it was a hoax, so when I got home I Google-searched it... it's legitimate. So, I thought to myself, Hmm, this would make a great crack-fic. And off I was. I don't own Harry Potter, but I wih I did, and I don't own anything of Fred Figglestone, which I'm glad I don't.

Ahem... I was recently told that I changed names a lot... I'd like to apologize! I had changed from the Blacks to the Potters due to way too much Black father OOC-ness, and missed a few. Sorry again!

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><p>James Sirius Potter took a deep breath and cast a look at the fireplace in his room. He would be strong. He was all grown up, a full ten years old, and should be over this… this strange fear. But when he really thought about it… he shuddered and pulled his covers over his head.<p>

_If a snowman came to life_

_That would be creepy_

_If Santa Clause snuck in my house_

_That would be creepy_

_Santa creepin around and down my chimney at night_

_I can't explain it but it doesn't feel right_

_He knows if you been good_

_He knows if you been bad_

_It's kinda freaky_

_Does he have hidden cameras in my house like that?_

James poked his head out of his covers. Had he heard something? Was Santa waiting for him? Should he go investigate? No, it was far better to stay in his bed. But then a horrible thought came into his head; what if Santa was after Albus? Or Lily? As the older brother, he had to save them. Armed with his thick quilt and large, fake wand that he had made out of a tree limb, he crept out of his room.

_Ohhh_

_Come think of it elves are really scary (so small)_

_Little pointy ears and sweaty hands that might be hairy_

_Reindeer (sharp teeth)_

_Rudolph (might eat me)_

_Christmas is kinda strange_

_When you think about it that way_

He stifled a scream when he saw something stir in the corner. He reached out with his 'wand' and was about to poke it when it stepped into a patch of moonlight. He emitted a small yelp that in no way sounded feminine before realizing that it was Kreacher (how that elf was still alive, he had yet to figure out), hair sprouting out of his ears like weed roots. The elf looked at him suspiciously and left.

_If a snowman came to life_

_That would be creepy_

_If Santa Clause snuck in my house_

_That would be creepy_

Trying to not be too daunted by Kreacher's sudden appearance, James continued on to his brother's room, pausing when he heard more steps downstairs. He breathed a sigh of relief; Santa wasn't going for Albus… but, still, maybe he had already got to him! James picked up his pace and arrived in front of his brother's room in record time.

_And it's really weird_

_It's like a fake beard_

_Somethin doesn't seem right to me_

_If the snowmen came to life_

_That would be cre-cre-creepy_

He found Albus curled up in a ball underneath his covers, and the two boys came to the agreement that they should stop Santa at all costs from taking Lily. And so, it was to the living room to be sure that Santa would leave without their little sister.

_Don't leave me coal_

_That's kinda strange_

_Sneakin' round my house is really breaking and entering_

_Santa kissing mom_

_That's just wrong_

_Someone better tell me what's going on_

_It's kinda strange givin' me sleigh bells in every Christmas song_

They gaped at the sight before them. Their mother was smiling at Santa as Santa (who had suspiciously dark hair and a lanky body, much like their father) put presents under the tree. When he had pulled the last one out of his sack, a large one that James hoped was from him, their mother kissed Santa. Albus and James gaped at each other; what would their father say?

_Ohhh_

_Come think of it elves are really scary (so small)_

_Little pointy ears and sweaty hands that might be hairy_

_Reindeer (sharp teeth)_

_Rudolph (might eat me)_

_Christmas is kinda strange_

_When you think about it that way_

They hightailed it back to their rooms when their mother became all too giggly for their tastes, then paused. Lily! How could they be sure that Santa wouldn't take her away once they had retreated to the safety of their beds? Shaking hands for what may be the last time, James and Albus sat themselves down in front of Lily's room, vowing to stay awake and protect her.

_If a snowman came to life_

_That would be creepy(creepy)_

_If Santa Clause snuck in my house_

_That would be creepy(creepy)_

They both jerked awake as they heard footsteps on the stairs. Jumping up, James stood in front of his brother, 'wand' held aloft. To their horror, it was Santa! He was probably here to steal Lily!

_And what's really weird (weird)_

_It's like a fake beard (darn)_

_Somethin doesn't seem right to me_

_If the snowmen came to life_

_That would be cre-cre-creepy_

With a yell, they charged at him. He looked confused, and put up no resistance. They pulled on his beard, which separated from his face easily. Ignoring this, they continued their attack.

_Ahhh_

_If a snowman came to life_

_That would be creepy_

_If Santa Clause snuck in my house_

_That would be creepy_

Santa soon overpowered them easily, but, for some reason, didn't make for Lily. Maybe he was taking them, instead? They screwed their eyes up and waited for their demise.

_And what's really weird (weird)_

_It's like a fake beard (Is that dad?)_

_Somethin doesn't seem right to me (It just doesn't)_

_If the snowmen came to life_

_That would be cre-cre-creepy_

They reopened their eyes, surprised when they heard Santa chuckling. Then their eyes opened further when they saw their father standing above them. Springing up, James and Albus thanked him repeatedly for getting rid of Santa. Lily came out, awakened from all the yelling, and, once she had heard what happened, thanked her father as well. The three siblings all curled up in Lily's room, with their father on strict instructions to stand guard for the rest of the night.


End file.
